It is hard to believe it is Monday already. Even harder to believe is that today is my son’s last day of 4th Grade. The time has gone incredibly fast, even though at some times this year I was sure we would not make it through. It has definitely been a rough one. He made it, I made it, so kudos to us! An entire decade with him has gone by in a flash. To add to my happiness, this year is the first year ever that I get to work from home and actually enjoy summer break with him. It will be nice to not have to rush off and miss all of the possibilities a beautiful summer day can bring!
In other news, we are having band practice tonight, the first one in two weeks. I have not gotten to sing a single one of our songs with the guys since I quit smoking two weeks ago. I am hopeful that it will be a great practice! We finally have a full set list, a handful of shows booked, and things seem to be moving along very well. I just hope we are ready, really ready, by the time we hit the stage in July. I have to admit, I felt less pressure in the last band because I wasn’t the only singer and I didn’t play guitar at all. I am nervous about both, even though in my first band I was a solo singer as well.
I am definitely ready for things to start moving up, in all areas of my life though. The downward spiral of this past year was awful and I think it’s time to start elevating. Changing jobs was a jolt to my finances, family issues caused an irreparable rift, and my health was starting to be a real problem as well. Thankfully, things are picking up at work, I have cut all of the toxic people out of my circle for the most part, and quitting smoking has done wonders for my energy level and my mood. Let the upswing begin!
All week I wait for Friday (evening to be specific), because the next day there is no alarm setting, no dragging the kids to school, no work, and a full day of doing whatever the hell I want to. Last weekend this involved only “sleeping in” until 7:30 and doing copious amounts of laundry which I honestly let pile up all winter because snow depresses the shit out of me. That was my choice though, I guess I could have done a couple loads and let the rest sit there for an eternity because no one seemed to notice. In any case, the house is relatively clean, the laundry is mostly all done, and I am ready to have some sort of fun this weekend.
Today I am feeling better than I did yesterday. Yesterday I had to continuously remind my brain that I don’t smoke anymore. All.Day.Long. Really was frustrating because it took so much energy, but I made it through, so that’s a good thing. I just keep thinking about singing and how the last time I went into the studio to record, I had a wicked case of bronchitis that had been going on for about two weeks. The night before that session we played a show and someone had posted a nasty comment on a video about me being tone deaf. I’m not tone deaf, but you go ahead and try to power through an hour of singing when you’ve got bronchitis (and continue to smoke…not my smartest decision ever, I admit.) So I think about those two moments, and I think about how great it feels just to sing in my car right now, and that pretty much does the trick as far as bringing me out of that “I need a cigarette” moment.
So this is what I’ve determined as of right now as far as how to quit smoking. You have to REALLY fucking want to. I mean REALLY FUCKING WANT TO. REALLY, REALLY, REALLY, REALLY, FUCKING WANT TO!!! Because otherwise, there is an excuse every minute not to. There is stress, there are meals, there are glasses of wine and cups of coffee, and their are friends that you love to be around and chain smoke with. These things will not change. You will still love these people and things, you will still want to have a cigarette with them, you may want that cigarette forever. You have to REALLY FUCKING WANT something else more.
That’s all I’ve got, but it’s working so far.
I don’t know how you stumbled upon my blog, but I am happy you are here. If you read my profile, you have already learned a little about me and that I started this blog because I love to read and write and also because I quit smoking and I am bored as hell and need to occupy myself. I hope that you will find my posts interesting and helpful or, at the very least, humorous. I have made it through a whole week of not smoking (and not being a raging bitch in the process). I have also not cried about it, which I consider to be worthy of a trophy given my history of chain smoking and dedication to lung abuse. I’m going to share an article that made me laugh as well as making the beginning of the journey easier just in case any of you are trying to quit smoking or eventually want to but don’t know where to start. I also included a motivational video that helped and also made me laugh my ass off (laughing is important when you are depriving yourself of something that you want that is actually bad for you).