All week I wait for Friday (evening to be specific), because the next day there is no alarm setting, no dragging the kids to school, no work, and a full day of doing whatever the hell I want to. Last weekend this involved only “sleeping in” until 7:30 and doing copious amounts of laundry which I honestly let pile up all winter because snow depresses the shit out of me. That was my choice though, I guess I could have done a couple loads and let the rest sit there for an eternity because no one seemed to notice. In any case, the house is relatively clean, the laundry is mostly all done, and I am ready to have some sort of fun this weekend.

Today I am feeling better than I did yesterday. Yesterday I had to continuously remind my brain that I don’t smoke anymore. All.Day.Long. Really was frustrating because it took so much energy, but I made it through, so that’s a good thing. I just keep thinking about singing and how the last time I went into the studio to record, I had a wicked case of bronchitis that had been going on for about two weeks. The night before that session we played a show and someone had posted a nasty comment on a video about me being tone deaf. I’m not tone deaf, but you go ahead and try to power through an hour of singing when you’ve got bronchitis (and continue to smoke…not my smartest decision ever, I admit.) So I think about those two moments, and I think about how great it feels just to sing in my car right now, and that pretty much does the trick as far as bringing me out of that “I need a cigarette” moment.

So this is what I’ve determined as of right now as far as how to quit smoking. You have to REALLY fucking want to. I mean REALLY FUCKING WANT TO. REALLY, REALLY, REALLY, REALLY, FUCKING WANT TO!!! Because otherwise, there is an excuse every minute not to. There is stress, there are meals, there are glasses of wine and cups of coffee, and their are friends that you love to be around and chain smoke with. These things will not change. You will still love these people and things, you will still want to have a cigarette with them, you may want that cigarette forever. You have to REALLY FUCKING WANT something else more.

That’s all I’ve got, but it’s working so far.


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